Okay, this may erk some of you, but I don't care. I have to say it! Call it the gift of Mercy. Call it the ability to sympathize (whether you think the person deserves it or not). Call it stupid. Whatever.
I am so tired of everyone picking on this poor woman! The tabloid papers at the grocery store: "Caring Mom or Monster!" "House is a mess!" I don't care who you are or whether or not you are married, if you have 6 kids under 7 - much less just gave birth a month ago - YOUR HOUSE WILL BE A MESS! because when you do clean it, you have 12 little hands behind you taking it all out again! What is America's problem! There are so many logs coming out of so many eyes as they criticize this woman.
I know, I know: single, student, low income... but you know what, change the income & America would still have an issue with her. If she was a millionaire she would still be labeled as unstable. If she was married, on the other hand, they would turn it into a cable show & we would all tune in!
The real problem most of America has with her is not her income but her choice to be a single mom on purpose. Think about it: So many in the last 30+ years have been encouraging single women to abort their babies as "unplanned" and therefore "unwanted" and a "burden" that will ruin the rest of your life. Here we have, not just a single mom, but a mom who went through IVF as a single, purposefully getting pregnant, purposefully taking upon herself the "shame" of being an unwed mother, still going to school, still wanting the children instead of being "held back" by them. It smashes the pro-abortion attitude that women who are single and get pregnant should do themselves & the baby (as if) a favor & "get rid of it." That single women who get pregnant jeprodize theirown & their child's future. And, that a single woman who gets pregnant has done so by "mistake" or has somekind of mental illness that causes her to get pregnant on purpose, either to control the father in some way, or to fill a love void.
Don't get me wrong. I strongly believe that every child needs both a mother & father figure, and that every child deserves a mom & dad who love and are commited to each other in marriage. I also feel that she would have done well to adopt. But, seeing as her decision was already made, why cannot people step back, see her need, and be a help (some have) instead of being a henderance and a critic. As my dad would say, "If you are not part of the solution, you are part of the problem."
We have allowed ourselves be convienced that having (much less "wanting") a large family is a ludicous and out of date (not to mention "out of your right mind") idea. "Why would anyone, especially a single woman, want to have so many children?" We have been told that children are a burden and an abuse on our own bodies and lives, that people with such families are either fundamentally religious or mentally and intelligently incompitent (or all of the above), and that it is enviromentally irresponsible to burden the world and its resources with such reproduction. Unfortunately we have believed it, and our attitude toward this woman's choices shows it.
America's media is so base and hurtfull. It has become Rome's "Bread & Circus" in so many ways. "Let's bash people down and make a specticle of them! Come on! It will be fun and we'll get good ratings! Besides, she got herself into this, she deserves it! Don't forget the part about how it will effect us all financially! If you show people how it will hit them in the pocket we will get a better, and more entertaining, rise out of everyone!" Shame on any one of us who is getting caught up in the tearing down of this woman, this mother, who is at least an example of a single mom who actually wants children and is willing to go through so much for them. In this sadly pro-abortion society where our own president signs bills to use government dollars* to kill other country's kids and punish our own doctors and nurses who refuse to do so, the least we can do - even though we disagree with her way of going about the whole thing - is to support a woman who knows the joy and blessing that children are and welcomes new life.
*If we are going to blame & complain about our tax dollars going to support irresponsible parents, let it be against those "parents" who are spending our taxes to pay to leagally kill their children, not against those who are actually taking care of their babies, no matter how many.
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Sunday, February 15, 2009
You Know Your Kids Watch too Much PBS When...
Well, we all start out with the best of intentions. Sometimes we wake up and realize that the original intention wasn't what we needed, or that something else just worked for us a little better. Other times we get sloppy, lazy, or stuck in some bad habits.
When we started out on our parenting journey (admittedly only 6 years and counting), we had an ideal plan which included kids who never watched television but, instead, indulged in classic children's literature and explored through play and Montessori type activities. When our first daughter was born, we didn't even have a television. She would sit with me all day reading books. By the age of three she had sat attentively listening to: All the LITTLE HOUSE books, POLLYANNA, BLACK BEAUTY, THE WIND IN THE WILLOWS, THE SECRET GARDEN, and many, many more. If my husband & I wanted to watch a movie, we would wait until she was in bed and curl up in front of our 16" computer screen. Eventually, I allowed Micaela to watch a Veggie Tales DVD once a week... then once every other day as we had broken down and bought a television (Pierce was around then and I was off taking care of him and pregnant with Sophia)... Then came baby blues after Sophia's birth and, honestly, I stopped caring. If it was going to keep tham busy for awhile then I was all for it, though they were only allowed to watch PBS and only specific shows. We even actually broke down and ordered cable - tho "just the basics! It's not like we have 300 channels!" THEN came the first trimester of my pregnancy with Seja! Have you ever worn weight belts and tried walking on the bottom of a pool (I actually have - a SCUBA class)? Well, that was my life for nearly 4 months. I would get up and get my kiddos breakfast only to colapse asleep on the couch soon after. So, if the television would keep them satisfied on the couch all day while mommy was passed out, I was okay with that.
Problem #1: it doesn't take long for kids to get accostomed to watching shows all day! So once I made my way off the couch, my poor kiddos were still stuck there hour after hour wanting to see what was going to come on next and "needing" to watch their favorite shows. Problem #2: every show is a child's favorite show. Problem #3: It is much easier to fold & put away the clothes myself than to teach 3 young kiddos how to do it with me (same goes for every other chore). So here is mom stuck in the bad "Television as Babysitter" trap.
Time for a new plan: Balence! Okay, so not all television shows are absolutly horrible and there are some good things that children can learn from the shows they watch, but there are also shows that do not deserve their time and attention. The best way to decide which ones fit your family is to have a fixed set of family values and goals and to screen shows (before your kids get attached to them) to determine whether or not they are a fit for your family (just a side note - which I am dealing with myself - we need to do the same for ourselves and the shows that we spend our time on).
We are currently in a transition of weeding out the not so great shows and paring down on our t.v. time. For myself: there are some shows that I just had to stop watching cold turkey. The values displayed there were just totally contrary to our beliefs and, as they say, "garbage in, garbage out." For the kids: A quote from Micaela. "Pierce, Mommy says, 'Watching too much t.v. rots your brain!' Let's go in the basement and play with our toys instead!" And then there is one of my favorite pieces of "Flair" on FaceBook: "Get off the computor and go play with your kids!" But before I go: You know your kids watch too much PBS when:
~ You know what time it is by what show is on.
~ They interupt your bi-weekly adult conversation to inform you that "Skunks spray! It stinks REALLY bad!" or "When fruits and vegetables get too ripe, they begin to decay!"
~ They look at the outdoor thermometer and say, "Wow, Mom! It's forty two degrees!" And when you ask them who taught them that, they shrug and answer, "George!"
~ They want to know if there is really such a day as "Whistle Pig Wednesday."
~ They have a hard time deciding on their favorite super hero: Princess Pea, Word Girl, or Super T-bone.
~ When they ask for something they add: "Pretty please with dragon berries on top!"
~ They want to try feeding the dog alphabet soup.
~ They run into the room, jump-stop with their hands out infront of them and yell: "PASTRAMI ATTACK!!!!"
~ When you sit down to dinner, your daughter arranges her food according to herown "recipie" and refers to the chicken as "beautiful" and the lettuce as "gorgeous." (This may also occur after too much Food Network television ;-)
~ They use the yard stick to pick up their toy snakes while explaining what species they are, their common habitats, and whether or not they are venomous.
And the #1 way you know that your children are watching too much PBS: You know exactly which programs were refered to in this list ;-)
When we started out on our parenting journey (admittedly only 6 years and counting), we had an ideal plan which included kids who never watched television but, instead, indulged in classic children's literature and explored through play and Montessori type activities. When our first daughter was born, we didn't even have a television. She would sit with me all day reading books. By the age of three she had sat attentively listening to: All the LITTLE HOUSE books, POLLYANNA, BLACK BEAUTY, THE WIND IN THE WILLOWS, THE SECRET GARDEN, and many, many more. If my husband & I wanted to watch a movie, we would wait until she was in bed and curl up in front of our 16" computer screen. Eventually, I allowed Micaela to watch a Veggie Tales DVD once a week... then once every other day as we had broken down and bought a television (Pierce was around then and I was off taking care of him and pregnant with Sophia)... Then came baby blues after Sophia's birth and, honestly, I stopped caring. If it was going to keep tham busy for awhile then I was all for it, though they were only allowed to watch PBS and only specific shows. We even actually broke down and ordered cable - tho "just the basics! It's not like we have 300 channels!" THEN came the first trimester of my pregnancy with Seja! Have you ever worn weight belts and tried walking on the bottom of a pool (I actually have - a SCUBA class)? Well, that was my life for nearly 4 months. I would get up and get my kiddos breakfast only to colapse asleep on the couch soon after. So, if the television would keep them satisfied on the couch all day while mommy was passed out, I was okay with that.
Problem #1: it doesn't take long for kids to get accostomed to watching shows all day! So once I made my way off the couch, my poor kiddos were still stuck there hour after hour wanting to see what was going to come on next and "needing" to watch their favorite shows. Problem #2: every show is a child's favorite show. Problem #3: It is much easier to fold & put away the clothes myself than to teach 3 young kiddos how to do it with me (same goes for every other chore). So here is mom stuck in the bad "Television as Babysitter" trap.
Time for a new plan: Balence! Okay, so not all television shows are absolutly horrible and there are some good things that children can learn from the shows they watch, but there are also shows that do not deserve their time and attention. The best way to decide which ones fit your family is to have a fixed set of family values and goals and to screen shows (before your kids get attached to them) to determine whether or not they are a fit for your family (just a side note - which I am dealing with myself - we need to do the same for ourselves and the shows that we spend our time on).
We are currently in a transition of weeding out the not so great shows and paring down on our t.v. time. For myself: there are some shows that I just had to stop watching cold turkey. The values displayed there were just totally contrary to our beliefs and, as they say, "garbage in, garbage out." For the kids: A quote from Micaela. "Pierce, Mommy says, 'Watching too much t.v. rots your brain!' Let's go in the basement and play with our toys instead!" And then there is one of my favorite pieces of "Flair" on FaceBook: "Get off the computor and go play with your kids!" But before I go: You know your kids watch too much PBS when:
~ You know what time it is by what show is on.
~ They interupt your bi-weekly adult conversation to inform you that "Skunks spray! It stinks REALLY bad!" or "When fruits and vegetables get too ripe, they begin to decay!"
~ They look at the outdoor thermometer and say, "Wow, Mom! It's forty two degrees!" And when you ask them who taught them that, they shrug and answer, "George!"
~ They want to know if there is really such a day as "Whistle Pig Wednesday."
~ They have a hard time deciding on their favorite super hero: Princess Pea, Word Girl, or Super T-bone.
~ When they ask for something they add: "Pretty please with dragon berries on top!"
~ They want to try feeding the dog alphabet soup.
~ They run into the room, jump-stop with their hands out infront of them and yell: "PASTRAMI ATTACK!!!!"
~ When you sit down to dinner, your daughter arranges her food according to herown "recipie" and refers to the chicken as "beautiful" and the lettuce as "gorgeous." (This may also occur after too much Food Network television ;-)
~ They use the yard stick to pick up their toy snakes while explaining what species they are, their common habitats, and whether or not they are venomous.
And the #1 way you know that your children are watching too much PBS: You know exactly which programs were refered to in this list ;-)
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
You're in Control
The other day my husband and kiddos were cleaning up the basement, arranging the toys, laying down a new (different) rug... They had taken a break for lunch and, afterward, my six-year-old daughter asked: "Are we going back down to finish now, Daddy?" "No," he answered. "I sprayed some Urine Control where the cats made a mess, so we need to wait awhile." My daughter's jaw dropped halfway through his explaination. I thought she seemed awfully shocked that her sweet kitties would do such a thing, but that wasn't it at all. "I'm in control?! I am?" her face was all lit up as my husband and I looked at each other in confusion. "URINE Control." he repeated. Her smile was consuming as she looked at me, wide-eyed, her eyebrows raised. Then it dawned on us what she heard and we cracked up! The dream of our strong-willed-child coming true! The promise of being the one in control!
You don't have to be a six-year-old, nor "strong-willed" to want to be the one in control. There is just something to our human nature that longs to be in control of whatever is going on around us. When Eve is being confronted by God for disobeying His Word (having taken control into her own hands) in the Garden she is given a curse. Genesis 3:16 "Your desire will be for your husband, but he will rule over you." or, according to the New Living Translation, "You will desire to control your husband, but he will rule over you." Is it not still true today? When we are young and still at home under our parents, we dream of our future freedoms: What we will drive, who we will choose to marry, how we will decorate our home, maybe even how to raise our children. My daughter is merely six and already dreams of being the one in control. There are so many situations that we desire, yet, once we are in them, we find that we do not have the control that we imagined or we think we have more control than we really do. We make our plans without always considering everything and everyone else involved: My budget does not really have room for the car or house or furniture I dreamed of. My kids seem to have a free will of their own ~ how did that happen? This feeling of not being in control can lead to all kinds of stress induced bad habits, amoung other issues. We may even continue to dream of a time and place where we are the ones in control, but would that really be better?
My husband and I have been watching NBC's the BIGGEST LOOSER this season. There is one contestant that has been barely escaping elimination 3 weeks in a row now. Everyone, including her trainer, has been frustrated by her attitude of slacking and are wondering what her issue is. I think her somewhat off-hand comment sums it up pretty well, "I feel completely out of control here. I guess this is just my way of taking back some control of the situation." For most who apply to be on that show, I would think that they are so tired of the situation they are in that they are ready to allow someone else to be in control for awhile until they have been taught how to take control of it themselves in a healthful way. Control can be a difficult thing to give up, yet, as we are wisely diciplined (taught), we learn how to better self-discipline. My daughter will not be able to rule her own world until she is taught how that world works. Little by little, she will be given more freedom and, thus, more responsiblilities. The contestant on the BIGGEST LOOSER, as all of us at different times in our lives, may have to give up quite a bit of freedom and control right now but, as she grows and learns how to discipline herself in this area, she will be better equipt to take back that control a step at a time. However, we must remember, with control comes responsibility, which we may or may not be ready for.
Thankfully, we are not meant to ever gain full control over our lives. We are called, as Christians, to give our lives over to the Lord completely: Exodus 20:2-4 "I AM the LORD your God, who rescued you... You must not have any other god but me. You must not make for yourself an idol of any kind..." It is so easy to make ourselves and our "rights" our god. What we need is to trust. We are to look to Him as Father and Teacher but, unlike our daughter's relationship with us or a student's relationship with a trainer, we never outgrow or outlearn our need for His guidence. Romans 12:1-2 "And so, dear Brothers and Sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all He has done for you. Let them be a living and Holy sacrifice - the kind He will find acceptable. This is truely the way to worship Him. Don't copy the behaviors or customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God's will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect" (NLT). We are blessed in that we do have a Heavenly Father who loves and cares for us and can be trusted to guide and direct our lives. We do not have to bear the entire burden on our own. Yet, we face the temptation to fight what we know He desires for us, and often find in the end that our "kicking against the goads" merely keeps us from God's best for our lives for as long as we fight Him about it. The giving up of our control to someone else can be a scarey thing. It is easier if you are a child being raised by a loving parent who holds you back because of the dangers he sees or because you are not ready to handle it. How much moreso can we trust the Lord who loves us without measure and sees beyond the limits of our mortality. Though we long for a feeling of control, our greatest strength is shown in our ability to turn to Him saying, "You're in Control."
You don't have to be a six-year-old, nor "strong-willed" to want to be the one in control. There is just something to our human nature that longs to be in control of whatever is going on around us. When Eve is being confronted by God for disobeying His Word (having taken control into her own hands) in the Garden she is given a curse. Genesis 3:16 "Your desire will be for your husband, but he will rule over you." or, according to the New Living Translation, "You will desire to control your husband, but he will rule over you." Is it not still true today? When we are young and still at home under our parents, we dream of our future freedoms: What we will drive, who we will choose to marry, how we will decorate our home, maybe even how to raise our children. My daughter is merely six and already dreams of being the one in control. There are so many situations that we desire, yet, once we are in them, we find that we do not have the control that we imagined or we think we have more control than we really do. We make our plans without always considering everything and everyone else involved: My budget does not really have room for the car or house or furniture I dreamed of. My kids seem to have a free will of their own ~ how did that happen? This feeling of not being in control can lead to all kinds of stress induced bad habits, amoung other issues. We may even continue to dream of a time and place where we are the ones in control, but would that really be better?
My husband and I have been watching NBC's the BIGGEST LOOSER this season. There is one contestant that has been barely escaping elimination 3 weeks in a row now. Everyone, including her trainer, has been frustrated by her attitude of slacking and are wondering what her issue is. I think her somewhat off-hand comment sums it up pretty well, "I feel completely out of control here. I guess this is just my way of taking back some control of the situation." For most who apply to be on that show, I would think that they are so tired of the situation they are in that they are ready to allow someone else to be in control for awhile until they have been taught how to take control of it themselves in a healthful way. Control can be a difficult thing to give up, yet, as we are wisely diciplined (taught), we learn how to better self-discipline. My daughter will not be able to rule her own world until she is taught how that world works. Little by little, she will be given more freedom and, thus, more responsiblilities. The contestant on the BIGGEST LOOSER, as all of us at different times in our lives, may have to give up quite a bit of freedom and control right now but, as she grows and learns how to discipline herself in this area, she will be better equipt to take back that control a step at a time. However, we must remember, with control comes responsibility, which we may or may not be ready for.
Thankfully, we are not meant to ever gain full control over our lives. We are called, as Christians, to give our lives over to the Lord completely: Exodus 20:2-4 "I AM the LORD your God, who rescued you... You must not have any other god but me. You must not make for yourself an idol of any kind..." It is so easy to make ourselves and our "rights" our god. What we need is to trust. We are to look to Him as Father and Teacher but, unlike our daughter's relationship with us or a student's relationship with a trainer, we never outgrow or outlearn our need for His guidence. Romans 12:1-2 "And so, dear Brothers and Sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all He has done for you. Let them be a living and Holy sacrifice - the kind He will find acceptable. This is truely the way to worship Him. Don't copy the behaviors or customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God's will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect" (NLT). We are blessed in that we do have a Heavenly Father who loves and cares for us and can be trusted to guide and direct our lives. We do not have to bear the entire burden on our own. Yet, we face the temptation to fight what we know He desires for us, and often find in the end that our "kicking against the goads" merely keeps us from God's best for our lives for as long as we fight Him about it. The giving up of our control to someone else can be a scarey thing. It is easier if you are a child being raised by a loving parent who holds you back because of the dangers he sees or because you are not ready to handle it. How much moreso can we trust the Lord who loves us without measure and sees beyond the limits of our mortality. Though we long for a feeling of control, our greatest strength is shown in our ability to turn to Him saying, "You're in Control."
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
One Down!
So here it is... my 1st blog!
I still say my brain is too tired & full of sludge to have anything interesting to say, but perhaps, like my physical body, a little exercise is all I really need to clear it out. Right this moment, however, my husband is whispering in my ear "You need to go to bed!" Why? Just because all my kiddos are sick (as #3 barks a few good coughs), it's nearly mid-night, and #4 (yes, 4!) will be up & hungry in a mere 2 or 3 hours? How do mom's survive their children's early years on so little sleep? Well... we live, we love, we forgive (ourselves! mainly), and we never give up! I can't imagine having to do it without the LORD - the guidance of His Word, the prompts from the Holy Spirit (prayer), and the family of Believers that we have been blessed with(fellowship)! Not to mention my great husband & our family.
Honestly, I really have a lot to learn about this blogging stuff! I'm sure there is no right or wrong (which is almost bothersome for me at times), but I will figure it out... and perhaps have a chance to exercise (drain some sludge) & grow along the way. In the mean time - as the need for sleep dries out my eyes - this is at least one down!
I still say my brain is too tired & full of sludge to have anything interesting to say, but perhaps, like my physical body, a little exercise is all I really need to clear it out. Right this moment, however, my husband is whispering in my ear "You need to go to bed!" Why? Just because all my kiddos are sick (as #3 barks a few good coughs), it's nearly mid-night, and #4 (yes, 4!) will be up & hungry in a mere 2 or 3 hours? How do mom's survive their children's early years on so little sleep? Well... we live, we love, we forgive (ourselves! mainly), and we never give up! I can't imagine having to do it without the LORD - the guidance of His Word, the prompts from the Holy Spirit (prayer), and the family of Believers that we have been blessed with(fellowship)! Not to mention my great husband & our family.
Honestly, I really have a lot to learn about this blogging stuff! I'm sure there is no right or wrong (which is almost bothersome for me at times), but I will figure it out... and perhaps have a chance to exercise (drain some sludge) & grow along the way. In the mean time - as the need for sleep dries out my eyes - this is at least one down!
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